Soldiers and Workers

We sit in a circle
passing beers and bong rips
talking shit and remembering good times

He looks at me and says
"Sam I'm telling you,
I'm one day away from a mental breakdown
it feels like the whole world needs all of me
all the time
Sam, there isn't enough of me to go around."

All eyes on us and I ask
"Have you told your girlfriend?"

He laughs and goes
"What would I say?"
"Sorry honey I'm not strong enough to take care of you anymore."

Another guy chimes in
"Sorry, I am not good enough."

I feel myself ostracized
and I am so tired of this,

I've seen too many friends die
because going to therapy
was some kind of
kick me sign
and no one wanted to be the butt of the joke.
So men are just supposed to grin and bear it?

I'm tired guys.
I'm tired of counting the bodies
tired of explaining that the reason you don't find many male suicide survivors
is because if they're is one thing they teach little boys to be good at
its killing
take playing soldier seriously
and pull the trigger.
A man is supposed to be a hard worker
and you never half ass the job.

But
I cry in front of my girlfriend
I am weak
I lay my heart on the floor when I walk in
and say "hey"
I've had a rough day can I lay in your lap for a bit.

I want flowers
I want to be told that I am pretty
That I am fun
That I am worth more than what I give to others
that me, being weak does not make me less of a man
only more human.

But I say nothing
the moment passed.

....

so whatever man
Who gives a shit?
As the light leaves our eyes for another night.